diff --git a/synapse/app/homeserver.py b/synapse/app/homeserver.py
index 3649406efb..aa7c722efc 100755
--- a/synapse/app/homeserver.py
+++ b/synapse/app/homeserver.py
@@ -47,6 +47,7 @@ from synapse.crypto import context_factory
 from synapse.util.logcontext import LoggingContext
 from synapse.rest.client.v1 import ClientV1RestResource
 from synapse.rest.client.v2_alpha import ClientV2AlphaRestResource
+from synapse.metrics.resource import MetricsResource, METRICS_PREFIX
 
 from daemonize import Daemonize
 import twisted.manhole.telnet
@@ -100,6 +101,12 @@ class SynapseHomeServer(HomeServer):
     def build_resource_for_server_key(self):
         return LocalKey(self)
 
+    def build_resource_for_metrics(self):
+        if self.get_config().enable_metrics:
+            return MetricsResource(self)
+        else:
+            return None
+
     def build_db_pool(self):
         return adbapi.ConnectionPool(
             "sqlite3", self.get_db_name(),
@@ -110,7 +117,7 @@ class SynapseHomeServer(HomeServer):
                                           # so that :memory: sqlite works
         )
 
-    def create_resource_tree(self, web_client, redirect_root_to_web_client):
+    def create_resource_tree(self, redirect_root_to_web_client):
         """Create the resource tree for this Home Server.
 
         This in unduly complicated because Twisted does not support putting
@@ -122,6 +129,9 @@ class SynapseHomeServer(HomeServer):
             location of the web client. This does nothing if web_client is not
             True.
         """
+        config = self.get_config()
+        web_client = config.webclient
+
         # list containing (path_str, Resource) e.g:
         # [ ("/aaa/bbb/cc", Resource1), ("/aaa/dummy", Resource2) ]
         desired_tree = [
@@ -145,6 +155,10 @@ class SynapseHomeServer(HomeServer):
         else:
             self.root_resource = Resource()
 
+        metrics_resource = self.get_resource_for_metrics()
+        if config.metrics_port is None and metrics_resource is not None:
+            desired_tree.append((METRICS_PREFIX, metrics_resource))
+
         # ideally we'd just use getChild and putChild but getChild doesn't work
         # unless you give it a Request object IN ADDITION to the name :/ So
         # instead, we'll store a copy of this mapping so we can actually add
@@ -206,17 +220,27 @@ class SynapseHomeServer(HomeServer):
         """
         return "%s-%s" % (resource, path_seg)
 
-    def start_listening(self, secure_port, unsecure_port):
-        if secure_port is not None:
+    def start_listening(self):
+        config = self.get_config()
+
+        if not config.no_tls and config.bind_port is not None:
             reactor.listenSSL(
-                secure_port, Site(self.root_resource), self.tls_context_factory
+                config.bind_port, Site(self.root_resource), self.tls_context_factory
             )
-            logger.info("Synapse now listening on port %d", secure_port)
-        if unsecure_port is not None:
+            logger.info("Synapse now listening on port %d", config.bind_port)
+
+        if config.unsecure_port is not None:
             reactor.listenTCP(
-                unsecure_port, Site(self.root_resource)
+                config.unsecure_port, Site(self.root_resource)
             )
-            logger.info("Synapse now listening on port %d", unsecure_port)
+            logger.info("Synapse now listening on port %d", config.unsecure_port)
+
+        metrics_resource = self.get_resource_for_metrics()
+        if metrics_resource and config.metrics_port is not None:
+            reactor.listenTCP(
+                config.metrics_port, Site(metrics_resource), interface="127.0.0.1",
+            )
+            logger.info("Metrics now running on 127.0.0.1 port %d", config.metrics_port)
 
 
 def get_version_string():
@@ -340,7 +364,6 @@ def setup(config_options):
     )
 
     hs.create_resource_tree(
-        web_client=config.webclient,
         redirect_root_to_web_client=True,
     )
 
@@ -369,11 +392,7 @@ def setup(config_options):
         f.namespace['hs'] = hs
         reactor.listenTCP(config.manhole, f, interface='127.0.0.1')
 
-    bind_port = config.bind_port
-    if config.no_tls:
-        bind_port = None
-
-    hs.start_listening(bind_port, config.unsecure_port)
+    hs.start_listening()
 
     hs.get_pusherpool().start()
     hs.get_state_handler().start_caching()
diff --git a/synapse/config/homeserver.py b/synapse/config/homeserver.py
index c024535f52..241afdf872 100644
--- a/synapse/config/homeserver.py
+++ b/synapse/config/homeserver.py
@@ -23,11 +23,13 @@ from .captcha import CaptchaConfig
 from .email import EmailConfig
 from .voip import VoipConfig
 from .registration import RegistrationConfig
+from .metrics import MetricsConfig
 
 
 class HomeServerConfig(TlsConfig, ServerConfig, DatabaseConfig, LoggingConfig,
                        RatelimitConfig, ContentRepositoryConfig, CaptchaConfig,
-                       EmailConfig, VoipConfig, RegistrationConfig,):
+                       EmailConfig, VoipConfig, RegistrationConfig,
+                       MetricsConfig,):
     pass
 
 
diff --git a/synapse/config/metrics.py b/synapse/config/metrics.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..901a429c76
--- /dev/null
+++ b/synapse/config/metrics.py
@@ -0,0 +1,36 @@
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+# Copyright 2015 OpenMarket Ltd
+#
+# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+# You may obtain a copy of the License at
+#
+#     http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+#
+# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+# limitations under the License.
+
+from ._base import Config
+
+
+class MetricsConfig(Config):
+    def __init__(self, args):
+        super(MetricsConfig, self).__init__(args)
+        self.enable_metrics = args.enable_metrics
+        self.metrics_port = args.metrics_port
+
+    @classmethod
+    def add_arguments(cls, parser):
+        super(MetricsConfig, cls).add_arguments(parser)
+        metrics_group = parser.add_argument_group("metrics")
+        metrics_group.add_argument(
+            '--enable-metrics', dest="enable_metrics", action="store_true",
+            help="Enable collection and rendering of performance metrics"
+        )
+        metrics_group.add_argument(
+            '--metrics-port', metavar="PORT", type=int,
+            help="Separate port to accept metrics requests on (on localhost)"
+        )
diff --git a/synapse/federation/federation_client.py b/synapse/federation/federation_client.py
index f131941f45..6811a0e3d1 100644
--- a/synapse/federation/federation_client.py
+++ b/synapse/federation/federation_client.py
@@ -25,6 +25,7 @@ from synapse.api.errors import (
 from synapse.util.expiringcache import ExpiringCache
 from synapse.util.logutils import log_function
 from synapse.events import FrozenEvent
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from synapse.util.retryutils import get_retry_limiter, NotRetryingDestination
 
@@ -36,9 +37,17 @@ import random
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
 
+# synapse.federation.federation_client is a silly name
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for("synapse.federation.client")
+
+sent_pdus_destination_dist = metrics.register_distribution("sent_pdu_destinations")
+
+sent_edus_counter = metrics.register_counter("sent_edus")
+
+sent_queries_counter = metrics.register_counter("sent_queries", labels=["type"])
+
+
 class FederationClient(FederationBase):
-    def __init__(self):
-        self._get_pdu_cache = None
 
     def start_get_pdu_cache(self):
         self._get_pdu_cache = ExpiringCache(
@@ -68,6 +77,8 @@ class FederationClient(FederationBase):
         order = self._order
         self._order += 1
 
+        sent_pdus_destination_dist.inc_by(len(destinations))
+
         logger.debug("[%s] transaction_layer.enqueue_pdu... ", pdu.event_id)
 
         # TODO, add errback, etc.
@@ -87,6 +98,8 @@ class FederationClient(FederationBase):
             content=content,
         )
 
+        sent_edus_counter.inc()
+
         # TODO, add errback, etc.
         self._transaction_queue.enqueue_edu(edu)
         return defer.succeed(None)
@@ -113,6 +126,8 @@ class FederationClient(FederationBase):
             a Deferred which will eventually yield a JSON object from the
             response
         """
+        sent_queries_counter.inc(query_type)
+
         return self.transport_layer.make_query(
             destination, query_type, args, retry_on_dns_fail=retry_on_dns_fail
         )
diff --git a/synapse/federation/federation_server.py b/synapse/federation/federation_server.py
index 9c7dcdba96..25c0014f97 100644
--- a/synapse/federation/federation_server.py
+++ b/synapse/federation/federation_server.py
@@ -22,6 +22,7 @@ from .units import Transaction, Edu
 from synapse.util.logutils import log_function
 from synapse.util.logcontext import PreserveLoggingContext
 from synapse.events import FrozenEvent
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from synapse.api.errors import FederationError, SynapseError
 
@@ -32,6 +33,15 @@ import logging
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+# synapse.federation.federation_server is a silly name
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for("synapse.federation.server")
+
+received_pdus_counter = metrics.register_counter("received_pdus")
+
+received_edus_counter = metrics.register_counter("received_edus")
+
+received_queries_counter = metrics.register_counter("received_queries", labels=["type"])
+
 
 class FederationServer(FederationBase):
     def set_handler(self, handler):
@@ -84,6 +94,8 @@ class FederationServer(FederationBase):
     def on_incoming_transaction(self, transaction_data):
         transaction = Transaction(**transaction_data)
 
+        received_pdus_counter.inc_by(len(transaction.pdus))
+
         for p in transaction.pdus:
             if "unsigned" in p:
                 unsigned = p["unsigned"]
@@ -153,6 +165,8 @@ class FederationServer(FederationBase):
         defer.returnValue((200, response))
 
     def received_edu(self, origin, edu_type, content):
+        received_edus_counter.inc()
+
         if edu_type in self.edu_handlers:
             self.edu_handlers[edu_type](origin, content)
         else:
@@ -204,6 +218,8 @@ class FederationServer(FederationBase):
 
     @defer.inlineCallbacks
     def on_query_request(self, query_type, args):
+        received_queries_counter.inc(query_type)
+
         if query_type in self.query_handlers:
             response = yield self.query_handlers[query_type](args)
             defer.returnValue((200, response))
diff --git a/synapse/federation/transaction_queue.py b/synapse/federation/transaction_queue.py
index 9dc7849b17..4dccd93d0e 100644
--- a/synapse/federation/transaction_queue.py
+++ b/synapse/federation/transaction_queue.py
@@ -25,12 +25,15 @@ from synapse.util.logcontext import PreserveLoggingContext
 from synapse.util.retryutils import (
     get_retry_limiter, NotRetryingDestination,
 )
+import synapse.metrics
 
 import logging
 
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for(__name__)
+
 
 class TransactionQueue(object):
     """This class makes sure we only have one transaction in flight at
@@ -54,11 +57,25 @@ class TransactionQueue(object):
         # done
         self.pending_transactions = {}
 
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "pending_destinations",
+            lambda: len(self.pending_transactions),
+        )
+
         # Is a mapping from destination -> list of
         # tuple(pending pdus, deferred, order)
-        self.pending_pdus_by_dest = {}
+        self.pending_pdus_by_dest = pdus = {}
         # destination -> list of tuple(edu, deferred)
-        self.pending_edus_by_dest = {}
+        self.pending_edus_by_dest = edus = {}
+
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "pending_pdus",
+            lambda: sum(map(len, pdus.values())),
+        )
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "pending_edus",
+            lambda: sum(map(len, edus.values())),
+        )
 
         # destination -> list of tuple(failure, deferred)
         self.pending_failures_by_dest = {}
diff --git a/synapse/federation/transport/server.py b/synapse/federation/transport/server.py
index 6c624977d7..7838a81362 100644
--- a/synapse/federation/transport/server.py
+++ b/synapse/federation/transport/server.py
@@ -148,6 +148,10 @@ class BaseFederationServlet(object):
                 logger.exception("authenticate_request failed")
                 raise
             defer.returnValue(response)
+
+        # Extra logic that functools.wraps() doesn't finish
+        new_code.__self__ = code.__self__
+
         return new_code
 
     def register(self, server):
diff --git a/synapse/handlers/presence.py b/synapse/handlers/presence.py
index 28e922f79b..731df00648 100644
--- a/synapse/handlers/presence.py
+++ b/synapse/handlers/presence.py
@@ -21,6 +21,7 @@ from synapse.api.constants import PresenceState
 from synapse.util.logutils import log_function
 from synapse.util.logcontext import PreserveLoggingContext
 from synapse.types import UserID
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from ._base import BaseHandler
 
@@ -29,6 +30,8 @@ import logging
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for(__name__)
+
 
 # TODO(paul): Maybe there's one of these I can steal from somewhere
 def partition(l, func):
@@ -133,6 +136,11 @@ class PresenceHandler(BaseHandler):
         self._user_cachemap = {}
         self._user_cachemap_latest_serial = 0
 
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "userCachemap:size",
+            lambda: len(self._user_cachemap),
+        )
+
     def _get_or_make_usercache(self, user):
         """If the cache entry doesn't exist, initialise a new one."""
         if user not in self._user_cachemap:
diff --git a/synapse/http/client.py b/synapse/http/client.py
index b53a07aa2d..2ae1c4d3a4 100644
--- a/synapse/http/client.py
+++ b/synapse/http/client.py
@@ -15,6 +15,7 @@
 
 from synapse.api.errors import CodeMessageException
 from syutil.jsonutil import encode_canonical_json
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from twisted.internet import defer, reactor
 from twisted.web.client import (
@@ -31,6 +32,17 @@ import urllib
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for(__name__)
+
+outgoing_requests_counter = metrics.register_counter(
+    "requests",
+    labels=["method"],
+)
+incoming_responses_counter = metrics.register_counter(
+    "responses",
+    labels=["method", "code"],
+)
+
 
 class SimpleHttpClient(object):
     """
@@ -45,12 +57,30 @@ class SimpleHttpClient(object):
         self.agent = Agent(reactor)
         self.version_string = hs.version_string
 
+    def request(self, method, *args, **kwargs):
+        # A small wrapper around self.agent.request() so we can easily attach
+        # counters to it
+        outgoing_requests_counter.inc(method)
+        d = self.agent.request(method, *args, **kwargs)
+
+        def _cb(response):
+            incoming_responses_counter.inc(method, response.code)
+            return response
+
+        def _eb(failure):
+            incoming_responses_counter.inc(method, "ERR")
+            return failure
+
+        d.addCallbacks(_cb, _eb)
+
+        return d
+
     @defer.inlineCallbacks
     def post_urlencoded_get_json(self, uri, args={}):
         logger.debug("post_urlencoded_get_json args: %s", args)
         query_bytes = urllib.urlencode(args, True)
 
-        response = yield self.agent.request(
+        response = yield self.request(
             "POST",
             uri.encode("ascii"),
             headers=Headers({
@@ -70,7 +100,7 @@ class SimpleHttpClient(object):
 
         logger.info("HTTP POST %s -> %s", json_str, uri)
 
-        response = yield self.agent.request(
+        response = yield self.request(
             "POST",
             uri.encode("ascii"),
             headers=Headers({
@@ -104,7 +134,7 @@ class SimpleHttpClient(object):
             query_bytes = urllib.urlencode(args, True)
             uri = "%s?%s" % (uri, query_bytes)
 
-        response = yield self.agent.request(
+        response = yield self.request(
             "GET",
             uri.encode("ascii"),
             headers=Headers({
@@ -145,7 +175,7 @@ class SimpleHttpClient(object):
 
         json_str = encode_canonical_json(json_body)
 
-        response = yield self.agent.request(
+        response = yield self.request(
             "PUT",
             uri.encode("ascii"),
             headers=Headers({
@@ -176,7 +206,7 @@ class CaptchaServerHttpClient(SimpleHttpClient):
     def post_urlencoded_get_raw(self, url, args={}):
         query_bytes = urllib.urlencode(args, True)
 
-        response = yield self.agent.request(
+        response = yield self.request(
             "POST",
             url.encode("ascii"),
             bodyProducer=FileBodyProducer(StringIO(query_bytes)),
diff --git a/synapse/http/matrixfederationclient.py b/synapse/http/matrixfederationclient.py
index 7db001cc63..7fa295cad5 100644
--- a/synapse/http/matrixfederationclient.py
+++ b/synapse/http/matrixfederationclient.py
@@ -23,6 +23,7 @@ from twisted.web._newclient import ResponseDone
 from synapse.http.endpoint import matrix_federation_endpoint
 from synapse.util.async import sleep
 from synapse.util.logcontext import PreserveLoggingContext
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from syutil.jsonutil import encode_canonical_json
 
@@ -40,6 +41,17 @@ import urlparse
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for(__name__)
+
+outgoing_requests_counter = metrics.register_counter(
+    "requests",
+    labels=["method"],
+)
+incoming_responses_counter = metrics.register_counter(
+    "responses",
+    labels=["method", "code"],
+)
+
 
 class MatrixFederationHttpAgent(_AgentBase):
 
@@ -49,6 +61,8 @@ class MatrixFederationHttpAgent(_AgentBase):
     def request(self, destination, endpoint, method, path, params, query,
                 headers, body_producer):
 
+        outgoing_requests_counter.inc(method)
+
         host = b""
         port = 0
         fragment = b""
@@ -59,9 +73,21 @@ class MatrixFederationHttpAgent(_AgentBase):
         # Set the connection pool key to be the destination.
         key = destination
 
-        return self._requestWithEndpoint(key, endpoint, method, parsed_URI,
-                                         headers, body_producer,
-                                         parsed_URI.originForm)
+        d = self._requestWithEndpoint(key, endpoint, method, parsed_URI,
+                                      headers, body_producer,
+                                      parsed_URI.originForm)
+
+        def _cb(response):
+            incoming_responses_counter.inc(method, response.code)
+            return response
+
+        def _eb(failure):
+            incoming_responses_counter.inc(method, "ERR")
+            return failure
+
+        d.addCallbacks(_cb, _eb)
+
+        return d
 
 
 class MatrixFederationHttpClient(object):
diff --git a/synapse/http/server.py b/synapse/http/server.py
index 767c3ef79b..d77cb77799 100644
--- a/synapse/http/server.py
+++ b/synapse/http/server.py
@@ -18,6 +18,7 @@ from synapse.api.errors import (
     cs_exception, SynapseError, CodeMessageException, UnrecognizedRequestError
 )
 from synapse.util.logcontext import LoggingContext
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from syutil.jsonutil import (
     encode_canonical_json, encode_pretty_printed_json
@@ -34,6 +35,17 @@ import urllib
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for(__name__)
+
+incoming_requests_counter = metrics.register_counter(
+    "requests",
+    labels=["method", "servlet"],
+)
+outgoing_responses_counter = metrics.register_counter(
+    "responses",
+    labels=["method", "code"],
+)
+
 
 class HttpServer(object):
     """ Interface for registering callbacks on a HTTP server
@@ -131,6 +143,15 @@ class JsonResource(HttpServer, resource.Resource):
                 # returned response. We pass both the request and any
                 # matched groups from the regex to the callback.
 
+                callback = path_entry.callback
+
+                servlet_instance = getattr(callback, "__self__", None)
+                if servlet_instance is not None:
+                    servlet_classname = servlet_instance.__class__.__name__
+                else:
+                    servlet_classname = "%r" % callback
+                incoming_requests_counter.inc(request.method, servlet_classname)
+
                 args = [
                     urllib.unquote(u).decode("UTF-8") for u in m.groups()
                 ]
@@ -140,10 +161,7 @@ class JsonResource(HttpServer, resource.Resource):
                     request.method, request.path
                 )
 
-                code, response = yield path_entry.callback(
-                    request,
-                    *args
-                )
+                code, response = yield callback(request, *args)
 
                 self._send_response(request, code, response)
                 return
@@ -190,6 +208,8 @@ class JsonResource(HttpServer, resource.Resource):
                 request)
             return
 
+        outgoing_responses_counter.inc(request.method, str(code))
+
         # TODO: Only enable CORS for the requests that need it.
         respond_with_json(
             request, code, response_json_object,
diff --git a/synapse/metrics/__init__.py b/synapse/metrics/__init__.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..dffb8a4861
--- /dev/null
+++ b/synapse/metrics/__init__.py
@@ -0,0 +1,111 @@
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+# Copyright 2015 OpenMarket Ltd
+#
+# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+# You may obtain a copy of the License at
+#
+#     http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+#
+# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+# limitations under the License.
+
+# Because otherwise 'resource' collides with synapse.metrics.resource
+from __future__ import absolute_import
+
+import logging
+from resource import getrusage, getpagesize, RUSAGE_SELF
+
+from .metric import (
+    CounterMetric, CallbackMetric, DistributionMetric, CacheMetric
+)
+
+
+logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
+
+
+# We'll keep all the available metrics in a single toplevel dict, one shared
+# for the entire process. We don't currently support per-HomeServer instances
+# of metrics, because in practice any one python VM will host only one
+# HomeServer anyway. This makes a lot of implementation neater
+all_metrics = {}
+
+
+class Metrics(object):
+    """ A single Metrics object gives a (mutable) slice view of the all_metrics
+    dict, allowing callers to easily register new metrics that are namespaced
+    nicely."""
+
+    def __init__(self, name):
+        self.name_prefix = name
+
+    def _register(self, metric_class, name, *args, **kwargs):
+        full_name = "%s_%s" % (self.name_prefix, name)
+
+        metric = metric_class(full_name, *args, **kwargs)
+
+        all_metrics[full_name] = metric
+        return metric
+
+    def register_counter(self, *args, **kwargs):
+        return self._register(CounterMetric, *args, **kwargs)
+
+    def register_callback(self, *args, **kwargs):
+        return self._register(CallbackMetric, *args, **kwargs)
+
+    def register_distribution(self, *args, **kwargs):
+        return self._register(DistributionMetric, *args, **kwargs)
+
+    def register_cache(self, *args, **kwargs):
+        return self._register(CacheMetric, *args, **kwargs)
+
+
+def get_metrics_for(pkg_name):
+    """ Returns a Metrics instance for conveniently creating metrics
+    namespaced with the given name prefix. """
+
+    # Convert a "package.name" to "package_name" because Prometheus doesn't
+    # let us use . in metric names
+    return Metrics(pkg_name.replace(".", "_"))
+
+
+def render_all():
+    strs = []
+
+    # TODO(paul): Internal hack
+    update_resource_metrics()
+
+    for name in sorted(all_metrics.keys()):
+        try:
+            strs += all_metrics[name].render()
+        except Exception:
+            strs += ["# FAILED to render %s" % name]
+            logger.exception("Failed to render %s metric", name)
+
+    strs.append("")  # to generate a final CRLF
+
+    return "\n".join(strs)
+
+
+# Now register some standard process-wide state metrics, to give indications of
+# process resource usage
+
+rusage = None
+PAGE_SIZE = getpagesize()
+
+
+def update_resource_metrics():
+    global rusage
+    rusage = getrusage(RUSAGE_SELF)
+
+resource_metrics = get_metrics_for("process.resource")
+
+# msecs
+resource_metrics.register_callback("utime", lambda: rusage.ru_utime * 1000)
+resource_metrics.register_callback("stime", lambda: rusage.ru_stime * 1000)
+
+# pages
+resource_metrics.register_callback("maxrss", lambda: rusage.ru_maxrss * PAGE_SIZE)
diff --git a/synapse/metrics/metric.py b/synapse/metrics/metric.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..21b37748f6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/synapse/metrics/metric.py
@@ -0,0 +1,155 @@
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+# Copyright 2015 OpenMarket Ltd
+#
+# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+# You may obtain a copy of the License at
+#
+#     http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+#
+# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+# limitations under the License.
+
+
+from itertools import chain
+
+
+# TODO(paul): I can't believe Python doesn't have one of these
+def map_concat(func, items):
+    # flatten a list-of-lists
+    return list(chain.from_iterable(map(func, items)))
+
+
+class BaseMetric(object):
+
+    def __init__(self, name, labels=[]):
+        self.name = name
+        self.labels = labels  # OK not to clone as we never write it
+
+    def dimension(self):
+        return len(self.labels)
+
+    def is_scalar(self):
+        return not len(self.labels)
+
+    def _render_labelvalue(self, value):
+        # TODO: some kind of value escape
+        return '"%s"' % (value)
+
+    def _render_key(self, values):
+        if self.is_scalar():
+            return ""
+        return "{%s}" % (
+            ",".join(["%s=%s" % (k, self._render_labelvalue(v))
+                      for k, v in zip(self.labels, values)])
+        )
+
+    def render(self):
+        return map_concat(self.render_item, sorted(self.counts.keys()))
+
+
+class CounterMetric(BaseMetric):
+    """The simplest kind of metric; one that stores a monotonically-increasing
+    integer that counts events."""
+
+    def __init__(self, *args, **kwargs):
+        super(CounterMetric, self).__init__(*args, **kwargs)
+
+        self.counts = {}
+
+        # Scalar metrics are never empty
+        if self.is_scalar():
+            self.counts[()] = 0
+
+    def inc_by(self, incr, *values):
+        if len(values) != self.dimension():
+            raise ValueError(
+                "Expected as many values to inc() as labels (%d)" % (self.dimension())
+            )
+
+        # TODO: should assert that the tag values are all strings
+
+        if values not in self.counts:
+            self.counts[values] = incr
+        else:
+            self.counts[values] += incr
+
+    def inc(self, *values):
+        self.inc_by(1, *values)
+
+    def render_item(self, k):
+        return ["%s%s %d" % (self.name, self._render_key(k), self.counts[k])]
+
+
+class CallbackMetric(BaseMetric):
+    """A metric that returns the numeric value returned by a callback whenever
+    it is rendered. Typically this is used to implement gauges that yield the
+    size or other state of some in-memory object by actively querying it."""
+
+    def __init__(self, name, callback, labels=[]):
+        super(CallbackMetric, self).__init__(name, labels=labels)
+
+        self.callback = callback
+
+    def render(self):
+        value = self.callback()
+
+        if self.is_scalar():
+            return ["%s %d" % (self.name, value)]
+
+        return ["%s%s %d" % (self.name, self._render_key(k), value[k])
+                for k in sorted(value.keys())]
+
+
+class DistributionMetric(object):
+    """A combination of an event counter and an accumulator, which counts
+    both the number of events and accumulates the total value. Typically this
+    could be used to keep track of method-running times, or other distributions
+    of values that occur in discrete occurances.
+
+    TODO(paul): Try to export some heatmap-style stats?
+    """
+
+    def __init__(self, name, *args, **kwargs):
+        self.counts = CounterMetric(name + ":count", **kwargs)
+        self.totals = CounterMetric(name + ":total", **kwargs)
+
+    def inc_by(self, inc, *values):
+        self.counts.inc(*values)
+        self.totals.inc_by(inc, *values)
+
+    def render(self):
+        return self.counts.render() + self.totals.render()
+
+
+class CacheMetric(object):
+    """A combination of two CounterMetrics, one to count cache hits and one to
+    count a total, and a callback metric to yield the current size.
+
+    This metric generates standard metric name pairs, so that monitoring rules
+    can easily be applied to measure hit ratio."""
+
+    def __init__(self, name, size_callback, labels=[]):
+        self.name = name
+
+        self.hits = CounterMetric(name + ":hits", labels=labels)
+        self.total = CounterMetric(name + ":total", labels=labels)
+
+        self.size = CallbackMetric(
+            name + ":size",
+            callback=size_callback,
+            labels=labels,
+        )
+
+    def inc_hits(self, *values):
+        self.hits.inc(*values)
+        self.total.inc(*values)
+
+    def inc_misses(self, *values):
+        self.total.inc(*values)
+
+    def render(self):
+        return self.hits.render() + self.total.render() + self.size.render()
diff --git a/synapse/metrics/resource.py b/synapse/metrics/resource.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..0af4b3eb52
--- /dev/null
+++ b/synapse/metrics/resource.py
@@ -0,0 +1,39 @@
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+# Copyright 2015 OpenMarket Ltd
+#
+# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+# You may obtain a copy of the License at
+#
+#     http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+#
+# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+# limitations under the License.
+
+from twisted.web.resource import Resource
+
+import synapse.metrics
+
+
+METRICS_PREFIX = "/_synapse/metrics"
+
+
+class MetricsResource(Resource):
+    isLeaf = True
+
+    def __init__(self, hs):
+        Resource.__init__(self)  # Resource is old-style, so no super()
+
+        self.hs = hs
+
+    def render_GET(self, request):
+        response = synapse.metrics.render_all()
+
+        request.setHeader("Content-Type", "text/plain")
+        request.setHeader("Content-Length", str(len(response)))
+
+        # Encode as UTF-8 (default)
+        return response.encode()
diff --git a/synapse/notifier.py b/synapse/notifier.py
index df13e8ddb6..7121d659d0 100644
--- a/synapse/notifier.py
+++ b/synapse/notifier.py
@@ -19,12 +19,27 @@ from synapse.util.logutils import log_function
 from synapse.util.logcontext import PreserveLoggingContext
 from synapse.util.async import run_on_reactor
 from synapse.types import StreamToken
+import synapse.metrics
 
 import logging
 
 
 logger = logging.getLogger(__name__)
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for(__name__)
+
+notified_events_counter = metrics.register_counter("notified_events")
+
+
+# TODO(paul): Should be shared somewhere
+def count(func, l):
+    """Return the number of items in l for which func returns true."""
+    n = 0
+    for x in l:
+        if func(x):
+            n += 1
+    return n
+
 
 class _NotificationListener(object):
     """ This represents a single client connection to the events stream.
@@ -59,6 +74,7 @@ class _NotificationListener(object):
 
         try:
             self.deferred.callback(result)
+            notified_events_counter.inc_by(len(events))
         except defer.AlreadyCalledError:
             pass
 
@@ -95,6 +111,35 @@ class Notifier(object):
             "user_joined_room", self._user_joined_room
         )
 
+        # This is not a very cheap test to perform, but it's only executed
+        # when rendering the metrics page, which is likely once per minute at
+        # most when scraping it.
+        def count_listeners():
+            all_listeners = set()
+
+            for x in self.room_to_listeners.values():
+                all_listeners |= x
+            for x in self.user_to_listeners.values():
+                all_listeners |= x
+            for x in self.appservice_to_listeners.values():
+                all_listeners |= x
+
+            return len(all_listeners)
+        metrics.register_callback("listeners", count_listeners)
+
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "rooms",
+            lambda: count(bool, self.room_to_listeners.values()),
+        )
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "users",
+            lambda: count(bool, self.user_to_listeners.values()),
+        )
+        metrics.register_callback(
+            "appservices",
+            lambda: count(bool, self.appservice_to_listeners.values()),
+        )
+
     @log_function
     @defer.inlineCallbacks
     def on_new_room_event(self, event, extra_users=[]):
diff --git a/synapse/server.py b/synapse/server.py
index cb8610a1b4..c7772244ba 100644
--- a/synapse/server.py
+++ b/synapse/server.py
@@ -56,6 +56,7 @@ class BaseHomeServer(object):
     """
 
     DEPENDENCIES = [
+        'config',
         'clock',
         'http_client',
         'db_name',
@@ -79,6 +80,7 @@ class BaseHomeServer(object):
         'resource_for_server_key',
         'resource_for_media_repository',
         'resource_for_app_services',
+        'resource_for_metrics',
         'event_sources',
         'ratelimiter',
         'keyring',
diff --git a/synapse/storage/_base.py b/synapse/storage/_base.py
index 3ea7382760..40f2fc6d76 100644
--- a/synapse/storage/_base.py
+++ b/synapse/storage/_base.py
@@ -20,6 +20,7 @@ from synapse.events.utils import prune_event
 from synapse.util.logutils import log_function
 from synapse.util.logcontext import PreserveLoggingContext, LoggingContext
 from synapse.util.lrucache import LruCache
+import synapse.metrics
 
 from twisted.internet import defer
 
@@ -35,9 +36,22 @@ sql_logger = logging.getLogger("synapse.storage.SQL")
 transaction_logger = logging.getLogger("synapse.storage.txn")
 
 
+metrics = synapse.metrics.get_metrics_for("synapse.storage")
+
+sql_query_timer = metrics.register_distribution("query_time", labels=["verb"])
+sql_txn_timer = metrics.register_distribution("transaction_time", labels=["desc"])
+sql_getevents_timer = metrics.register_distribution("getEvents_time", labels=["desc"])
+
+caches_by_name = {}
+cache_counter = metrics.register_cache(
+    "cache",
+    lambda: {(name,): len(caches_by_name[name]) for name in caches_by_name.keys()},
+    labels=["name"],
+)
+
+
 # TODO(paul):
 #  * more generic key management
-#  * export monitoring stats
 #  * consider other eviction strategies - LRU?
 def cached(max_entries=1000):
     """ A method decorator that applies a memoizing cache around the function.
@@ -55,6 +69,9 @@ def cached(max_entries=1000):
     """
     def wrap(orig):
         cache = OrderedDict()
+        name = orig.__name__
+
+        caches_by_name[name] = cache
 
         def prefill(key, value):
             while len(cache) > max_entries:
@@ -65,8 +82,10 @@ def cached(max_entries=1000):
         @defer.inlineCallbacks
         def wrapped(self, key):
             if key in cache:
+                cache_counter.inc_hits(name)
                 defer.returnValue(cache[key])
 
+            cache_counter.inc_misses(name)
             ret = yield orig(self, key)
             prefill(key, ret)
             defer.returnValue(ret)
@@ -83,7 +102,8 @@ def cached(max_entries=1000):
 
 class LoggingTransaction(object):
     """An object that almost-transparently proxies for the 'txn' object
-    passed to the constructor. Adds logging to the .execute() method."""
+    passed to the constructor. Adds logging and metrics to the .execute()
+    method."""
     __slots__ = ["txn", "name"]
 
     def __init__(self, txn, name):
@@ -99,6 +119,7 @@ class LoggingTransaction(object):
     def execute(self, sql, *args, **kwargs):
         # TODO(paul): Maybe use 'info' and 'debug' for values?
         sql_logger.debug("[SQL] {%s} %s", self.name, sql)
+
         try:
             if args and args[0]:
                 values = args[0]
@@ -120,8 +141,9 @@ class LoggingTransaction(object):
                 logger.exception("[SQL FAIL] {%s}", self.name)
                 raise
         finally:
-            end = time.time() * 1000
-            sql_logger.debug("[SQL time] {%s} %f", self.name, end - start)
+            msecs = (time.time() * 1000) - start
+            sql_logger.debug("[SQL time] {%s} %f", self.name, msecs)
+            sql_query_timer.inc_by(msecs, sql.split()[0])
 
 
 class PerformanceCounters(object):
@@ -172,11 +194,18 @@ class SQLBaseStore(object):
         self._previous_txn_total_time = 0
         self._current_txn_total_time = 0
         self._previous_loop_ts = 0
+
+        # TODO(paul): These can eventually be removed once the metrics code
+        #   is running in mainline, and we have some nice monitoring frontends
+        #   to watch it
         self._txn_perf_counters = PerformanceCounters()
         self._get_event_counters = PerformanceCounters()
 
         self._get_event_cache = LruCache(hs.config.event_cache_size)
 
+        # Pretend the getEventCache is just another named cache
+        caches_by_name["*getEvent*"] = self._get_event_cache
+
     def start_profiling(self):
         self._previous_loop_ts = self._clock.time_msec()
 
@@ -231,13 +260,13 @@ class SQLBaseStore(object):
                     raise
                 finally:
                     end = time.time() * 1000
-                    transaction_logger.debug(
-                        "[TXN END] {%s} %f",
-                        name, end - start
-                    )
+                    duration = end - start
 
-                    self._current_txn_total_time += end - start
+                    transaction_logger.debug("[TXN END] {%s} %f", name, duration)
+
+                    self._current_txn_total_time += duration
                     self._txn_perf_counters.update(desc, start, end)
+                    sql_txn_timer.inc_by(duration, desc)
 
         with PreserveLoggingContext():
             result = yield self._db_pool.runInteraction(
@@ -638,14 +667,22 @@ class SQLBaseStore(object):
                        get_prev_content=False, allow_rejected=False):
 
         start_time = time.time() * 1000
-        update_counter = self._get_event_counters.update
+
+        def update_counter(desc, last_time):
+            curr_time = self._get_event_counters.update(desc, last_time)
+            sql_getevents_timer.inc_by(curr_time - last_time, desc)
+            return curr_time
 
         cache = self._get_event_cache.setdefault(event_id, {})
 
         try:
             # Separate cache entries for each way to invoke _get_event_txn
-            return cache[(check_redacted, get_prev_content, allow_rejected)]
+            ret = cache[(check_redacted, get_prev_content, allow_rejected)]
+
+            cache_counter.inc_hits("*getEvent*")
+            return ret
         except KeyError:
+            cache_counter.inc_misses("*getEvent*")
             pass
         finally:
             start_time = update_counter("event_cache", start_time)
@@ -685,7 +722,11 @@ class SQLBaseStore(object):
                                 check_redacted=True, get_prev_content=False):
 
         start_time = time.time() * 1000
-        update_counter = self._get_event_counters.update
+
+        def update_counter(desc, last_time):
+            curr_time = self._get_event_counters.update(desc, last_time)
+            sql_getevents_timer.inc_by(curr_time - last_time, desc)
+            return curr_time
 
         d = json.loads(js)
         start_time = update_counter("decode_json", start_time)
diff --git a/synapse/util/lrucache.py b/synapse/util/lrucache.py
index f115f50e50..65d5792907 100644
--- a/synapse/util/lrucache.py
+++ b/synapse/util/lrucache.py
@@ -16,7 +16,6 @@
 
 class LruCache(object):
     """Least-recently-used cache."""
-    # TODO(mjark) Add hit/miss counters
     # TODO(mjark) Add mutex for linked list for thread safety.
     def __init__(self, max_size):
         cache = {}
diff --git a/tests/metrics/__init__.py b/tests/metrics/__init__.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..e69de29bb2
diff --git a/tests/metrics/test_metric.py b/tests/metrics/test_metric.py
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..6009014297
--- /dev/null
+++ b/tests/metrics/test_metric.py
@@ -0,0 +1,161 @@
+# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-
+# Copyright 2015 OpenMarket Ltd
+#
+# Licensed under the Apache License, Version 2.0 (the "License");
+# you may not use this file except in compliance with the License.
+# You may obtain a copy of the License at
+#
+#     http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0
+#
+# Unless required by applicable law or agreed to in writing, software
+# distributed under the License is distributed on an "AS IS" BASIS,
+# WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, either express or implied.
+# See the License for the specific language governing permissions and
+# limitations under the License.
+
+from tests import unittest
+
+from synapse.metrics.metric import (
+    CounterMetric, CallbackMetric, DistributionMetric, CacheMetric
+)
+
+
+class CounterMetricTestCase(unittest.TestCase):
+
+    def test_scalar(self):
+        counter = CounterMetric("scalar")
+
+        self.assertEquals(counter.render(), [
+            'scalar 0',
+        ])
+
+        counter.inc()
+
+        self.assertEquals(counter.render(), [
+            'scalar 1',
+        ])
+
+        counter.inc_by(2)
+
+        self.assertEquals(counter.render(), [
+            'scalar 3'
+        ])
+
+    def test_vector(self):
+        counter = CounterMetric("vector", labels=["method"])
+
+        # Empty counter doesn't yet know what values it has
+        self.assertEquals(counter.render(), [])
+
+        counter.inc("GET")
+
+        self.assertEquals(counter.render(), [
+            'vector{method="GET"} 1',
+        ])
+
+        counter.inc("GET")
+        counter.inc("PUT")
+
+        self.assertEquals(counter.render(), [
+            'vector{method="GET"} 2',
+            'vector{method="PUT"} 1',
+        ])
+
+
+class CallbackMetricTestCase(unittest.TestCase):
+
+    def test_scalar(self):
+        d = dict()
+
+        metric = CallbackMetric("size", lambda: len(d))
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'size 0',
+        ])
+
+        d["key"] = "value"
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'size 1',
+        ])
+
+    def test_vector(self):
+        vals = dict()
+
+        metric = CallbackMetric("values", lambda: vals, labels=["type"])
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [])
+
+        # Keys have to be tuples, even if they're 1-element
+        vals[("foo",)] = 1
+        vals[("bar",)] = 2
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'values{type="bar"} 2',
+            'values{type="foo"} 1',
+        ])
+
+
+class DistributionMetricTestCase(unittest.TestCase):
+
+    def test_scalar(self):
+        metric = DistributionMetric("thing")
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'thing:count 0',
+            'thing:total 0',
+        ])
+
+        metric.inc_by(500)
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'thing:count 1',
+            'thing:total 500',
+        ])
+
+    def test_vector(self):
+        metric = DistributionMetric("queries", labels=["verb"])
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [])
+
+        metric.inc_by(300, "SELECT")
+        metric.inc_by(200, "SELECT")
+        metric.inc_by(800, "INSERT")
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'queries:count{verb="INSERT"} 1',
+            'queries:count{verb="SELECT"} 2',
+            'queries:total{verb="INSERT"} 800',
+            'queries:total{verb="SELECT"} 500',
+        ])
+
+
+class CacheMetricTestCase(unittest.TestCase):
+
+    def test_cache(self):
+        d = dict()
+
+        metric = CacheMetric("cache", lambda: len(d))
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'cache:hits 0',
+            'cache:total 0',
+            'cache:size 0',
+        ])
+
+        metric.inc_misses()
+        d["key"] = "value"
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'cache:hits 0',
+            'cache:total 1',
+            'cache:size 1',
+        ])
+
+        metric.inc_hits()
+
+        self.assertEquals(metric.render(), [
+            'cache:hits 1',
+            'cache:total 2',
+            'cache:size 1',
+        ])